I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
