So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
