He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
