kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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