His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
