Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
