Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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