Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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