How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
