end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
