I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
