see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just invented taco cereal.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
