thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
