i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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