fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
