You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
