Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
