I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
