I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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