Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
