so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
