OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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