my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
