dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
