no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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