Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
