yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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