if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
