It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Im part way to drunk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
