you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
