You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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