So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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