i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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