We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
