hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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