I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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