physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
