I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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