I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
