1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
