the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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