How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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