i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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