Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The power of my boobs compel you
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
