My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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