I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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