you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
