she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
