Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
