Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
