here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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