My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
