I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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