shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
